How to Use Rapport in the Sales Interview (Part One) by Michael Lovas One of the biggest misunderstandings in our industry is that we know something about a person from demographic information. Address, income, age - those facts tell us practically nothing of value about the person sitting across the desk. If they did, then putting together a financial strategy would require nothing more than choosing between a small handful of standardized plans. The truth is, most of the important information a planner needs to get from a prospect or client is in the person's head. It's his or her values. Everyone has some set of values. It's not his or her goals. Research shows that most people have never determined their financial goals. And, even if they did, those goals would be tied back to the person's values. So, the first thing you should do in your interview is to elicit the person's values. The catch is that people are reluctant to tell you anything important until they trust you. How do you build trust? By establishing and building rapport. If you've been trained to sell products, you've probably learned that the first step is to build rapport. However, chances are, no one ever explained exactly what the steps are to building rapport. To my experience, most planners think small talk and generic chit chat builds rapport. It doesn't. It builds impatience. You: Hello Ms. Adams, how about that women's soccer team! Ms. Adams: Yeah, right. Get on with it. In order to begin building rapport with Ms. Adams, it's necessary to get her to talk about what's important to her. That's what this article is all about. Rapport-building. Rapport is not an event, nor is it the result of a process. It is a process in itself. It's also not simple or easy to establish. However, it is very easy to lose. Rapport is temporary, only good for a few seconds or minutes. You can either build on that tiny time frame or break the rapport. If you have the skills, and are able to build on the initial rapport, you stand a chance of eventually establishing trust. More specifically, Ms. Adams must trust you to respect her and not take advantage of her. You might picture the progression of rapport to trust as a pyramid: Trust Assumed rapport and automatic liking Rapport a series of points on which there is alignment, or intermittent rapport Basic nonconfrontational exchange There are only two ways to establish rapport - verbally and nonverbally. Verbal rapport building. Building rapport verbally requires you to do three things First, use the other person's name as often as you can. Her name is a direct link to memories and self-perceptions that are important to her. By using her name, you honor and respect her. Second, ask her for permission to ask some questions and take some notes. As simple as that seems, asking permission declares your intent to be serious and focus on what she has to say. It establishes you as an important part of the process. And, again, it honors her. Third, when she uses a noun or verb you think is important to the process you want to capture, jot it down. When she repeats it, make a mark next to it. That way, you keep score of the important words she uses. Then, when you give feedback or ask an appropriate question, you'll have her exact words. They're called "criteria words." In the process known as "active listening," we're taught to paraphrase the other person's words. Every time you paraphrase, you change the meaning intended by the other person. Every time you do that, the interview sputters and threatens to stop. Every time you paraphrase Ms. Adams criteria words, it breaks rapport and diverts the focus. The interview becomes focused on you instead of her. What's the difference between these words: accident and mistake walk and hike touch and hold look and see correct and criticize talk and lecture While each couplet contains similar words, each word can be interpreted as drastically different from the other. If the word comes from Ms. Adams, do not replace it with one of your own. Doing so changes the meaning of the original statement, breaks the rapport and threatens to cause Ms. Adams to withdraw from the interview. She might continue to answer questions, but the quality of information will be diminished. Would you do business with someone you didn't like? Actually, the research in this area shows that overwhelmingly, people do not buy from people they don't like. The danger of rapport. As an interviewer, you are creating serious bonds with people. This is uncharted waters. Far from keeping you at distant arm's length, interviewees are letting you into their private lives and exposing their most personal possession - their minds. That places you in a dangerous position. You must use compassion and friendliness with them from then on. The danger is to their feelings, your personal ethics and your success. Since the informal communication channel (word of mouth) is typically the most reliable in any community, there is a distinct possibility that an accidental hurt feeling or snub could cause you to become a very unwelcome guest in Ms. Adam's community. Michael Lovas is the author of Beyond Wave Marketing - how to add credibility to your relationship marketing program. He's a sales and marketing coach specializing in the financial industry. And, he's a licensed practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Michael teaches professionals how to develop their personal credibility to make more sales with less effort. He has spoken to: MDRT, IAFP, NAILBA, Society of Certified Senior Advisors, NALU chapters, NAHU chapters, American Marketing Association chapters, and many businesses. Michael also writes Credibility Marketing programs, ghostwrites books for financial professionals, and in his spare time he's a professional musician. For bookings, or to order Beyond Wave Marketing: Michael Lovas c/o AboutPeople 10718 Morning Glory Drive Dallas, TX 75229 michael@aboutpeople.com http://www.aboutpeople.com/CredibilityMarketing