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Sabotaging
your success?
or
When to call out the cavalry!
by Michael
Lovas
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| This article addresses
some of the different ways we unconsciously sabotage our success - and what we can
do about it. |
Duh. Who in his right mind would sabotage his own career? Well, actually about 60%
of the population falls victim to this. So, chances are, you (or a family member)
could be one of them. Mainly, people unwittingly sabotage their sales, but they also
squelch their marketing when prospects reply. For now, let's walk through these simple
questions to see if you are at risk of self-sabotage. Then, we'll see if you should
consider calling the cavalry. Yes or No:
1. Have you ever delivered
a sales presentation without knowing the probable personality type of your prospect?
2. Have you ever carried on a conversation and not looked at the other person?
3. Have you ever been talking to someone and realized that he or she had gotten bored?
4. Do people ever turn their bodies away from you, even a few degrees, when you're
talking with them?
5. Do people you know consistently fail to return your phone calls?
How do those simple
situations equate to your sabotaging yourself? They indicate that you might not know
how to "read" other people, or that you're not paying attention to them.
Both of those show that you could be either afraid of other people, or that you don't
like other people. And, as subtle as those might appear, they point to something
unconscious that might eventually ruin your career. They also indicate that you're
breaking rapport with other people. If you can remember one of those situations happening,
you might consider calling out the cavalry right now.
How can you tell for sure? Just follow these no-brainer instructions.
1. Look at your
watch.
When the second hand reaches 12, look away. When you feel that a minute has elapsed,
look back at your watch to see how close you are to the actual time. If you're within
fifteen seconds, you're doing OK. If you're not that close, it means you are probably
out of synch with other people. And, that means you're unconsciously breaking rapport
with them.
Rapport begins at a very basic and visceral level. It's determined by your internal
clock, which determines your internal rhythms. This is called our "circadian
rhythms," and it has been shown to exert a direct influence on metabolism, physiology
and behavior. When your clock doesn't match the other person's, rapport is all but
impossible.
Ever been around someone who is hyper? Did it annoy you? Ever been around someone
who moves with excruciating slowness? Did you get nervous or impatient? Do children
or animals seem to find you and climb into your lap? Or do they scream and run away
from you? That's what I'm talking about. If your clock runs fast or slow, compared
to the people and situations around you, it's time to think about calling the cavalry.
2. Record yourself.
Make a recording of you delivering a brief business presentation, such as your
elevator pitch. Listen to it and pay attention to two things. 1) your voice. Is it
unnaturally high or shrill? 2) do you believe yourself? Listen for the ends of sentences.
Do they trail off? Do you insert "Uh" or "Um" before important
statements? Do you stutter before important statements? Those Ums and stutters tell
you that something is not right. Two considerations: either you don't believe what
you're saying, or you don't believe in yourself. Either way, call the cavalry.
If life is like a long-distance run, your voice is like a stop watch. Many voices
that you hear today stopped developing when the person experienced some trauma or
abuse as a child. Remember, abuse can be emotional. For example, about 12.4 million
Americans are considered heavy drinkers or abusers of alcohol. That means 12.4 million
households have a high probability of emotional abuse, and the abuse often is registered
on the voice. Ever hear a grown woman speak in the voice of a child? That's a Red
Flag. And it's usually a pretty accurate barometer.
Making the audio tape is important because it's the only way to hear your voice as
other people hear it. Since our heads serve as natural resonators and amplifiers,
we tend to sound great ñ to ourselves. To other people, however, we sound completely
different. If a high-pitched or shrill sound comes from your voice, the message that
goes out is, "Beware! Unstable! Time Bomb!" Your voice is like a billboard
announcing where you fall on a continuum:
Emotional Red Flag........Emotionally OK
Unless you are a trained actor, your level of belief in what you say is perceived
by other people. Perhaps, your internal dialog goes like this, "I'm telling
people that my firm is highly respectable, but I know otherwiseÖI'm telling people
that our claims service is excellent, but I know we'll delay respondingÖI'm telling
clients that their money is safe, but I don't even follow the advice I'm giving."
You can't hide it. Here's why; your belief in your company or product or the quality
of your service creates a powerful internal emotional state. Other people perceive
those states. You telegraph those states in your gestures and your micro facial expressions.
Do you think that if you were depressed, you could carry on a conversation and no
one would notice? Ha. Your feelings about what you say act like a transmitter, announcing
the truth to people around you. Other people act as receivers and sense if something
is off-center. They know when the information doesn't add up to the conclusion your
words are expressing. When someone suggests you call out the cavalry, pay attention.
What does this
have to do with marketing? Plenty. Let's say you buy a Judy Diamond database.
Then, you hire me to write a marketing program for you. Let's say the program works
brilliantly, and you get a bus load of motivated prospects. As soon as you start
talking to them, they will know if things aren't right. They will know if you don't
believe what you're saying. They will know if you're at emotional odds with yourself.
They will run away. If your close ratio is low, consider calling the cavalry.
Marketing is like magic; it can turn lead into gold. It does that by turning names
into prospects. However, as soon as you begin to speak to the prospects and use words
that are not congruent or consistent with those in your marketing, you break rapport
with your new prospects. As soon as you begin to speak in a high-pitched voice, you
break rapport with your new prospects. As soon as you begin to speak, you communicate
your emotional state; what is it? What is your subconscious mind transmitting?
Quick story. Several years ago, I wrote a really good credibility-focused
marketing program for a financial planner. I even taught him how to analyze Personality
Types so he could talk in the Type Language of the people who called. He complained
that he did not get any new business from the program. To me, it was obvious why.
The guy was depressed and he broadcast it in his voice and the way he expressed himself.
I could imagine him saying, "You don't want any financial planning do you?"
I knew what was wrong, and I had great sympathy for him, but at that time, I wasn't
trained or experienced to help him.
I tell you that story to illustrate a point. In my experience, when the advisor has
trouble bringing in enough business, it is his or her psychology that turns gold
back into lead by throwing up Red Flags and breaking rapport with the new prospects.
What not to do. Read all the self-help books you want, but they probably won't
help you much. That's because their wisdom reaches you through your conscious mind.
That's the logical, analytical part of your mind, and it represents only about 10%
of your mind. Think of it as an obnoxious Nazi standing guard over your thoughts
and actions.
What to do. The most powerful part of your mind is the subconscious. It's
where your values, identity and belief systems live. And, those are what control
your decisions and behavior. If you're unwittingly sabotaging your success, you need
to approach it through your subconscious mind. Going through the conscious mind will
likely produce only short-term benefits. The two most logical solutions are NLP or
hypnotherapy. In my practice, I've discovered that a combination of the two are the
most effective for professionals. (Naturally, for severe problems, other providers,
such as medical and psychiatric practitioners may be more appropriate.)
Do you need to call the cavalry? If you're not sure, or think you might, just
send me an email and I'll help you figure out what to do. Let it be our secret.
Michael Lovas is a Master Practitioner of psychology and a Master Hypnotist.
He uses NLP and hypnotherapy in his coaching practice to help professionals set and
accomplish higher goals. He also teaches insurance and financial professionals how
to be more successful by using psychology in their marketing and sales.
Michael is the author of two books on using psychology in your business: Beyond
Wave Marketing and the new workbook/disk set Face Values.
Michael has spoken to: MDRT, FPA (IAFP), NAILBA, Society of Certified Senior Advisors,
NALU chapters, NAHU chapters, American Marketing Association chapters, and many businesses
including Mobil Oil, Delta Life & Annuity, London Life and Great West Life.
See
Michael at:
GAMA International
"Leading Practices" conference (June 3 & 4)
NAHU annual conference (June 25)
National Brokerage Consortium (September 13).
Edward Jones regional meeting
Georgia Insurance Expo in Atlanta
Michael
Lovas
10718 Morning Glory Dr. Dallas, TX 75229
michael@aboutpeople.com
www.credibilitymarketing.com
(214) 366-0919
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