Aging and Grief
by Susan Zimmerman
AXA Advisors

Many years ago, I heard a retirement plan instructor declare there were three stages of retirement:

* Go go

* Slow go

* No go

The rhymes, of course, made those stages more memorable to me. They were also memorable because of the simple truth they seemed to proclaim. Unless we die young, we will at some point slow down and not be on the go so much (or the "go go" as the instructor said). Of course, the "No go" doesn't literally mean never go anywhere, but it does reflect the continuum and reality of aging.

I met with some clients in their 60s recently, and they are in between the first two stages of retirement. They retired early so they could "play more" while they still had the energy (go go), but they've realized recently that the overlap of playing frequently and increased health care expenses really add up to significant dollars.

"We forgot to do behavior modification," the husband said. He admitted it was easy to retire in his head, but not in his heart. A former entrepreneur, he was accustomed to simply going out and making more money if he wanted to increase his lifestyle. We define behavior modification as creating lasting change in long-established habits of thoughts and behavior. Behavior does not magically modify; it takes restructuring of thoughts and emotions to steer it in a new direction. Now that's what makes it so much fun, isn't it?

There is some grieving in this stage of life. I review the grief stages (denial, anger, depression, bargaining, acceptance) as I ponder the many people who either have the money but not the energy, or have the energy to play later in life, but not the money. There's plenty they want to do, but their budget or their health doesn't allow it. I've seen them deny that reality at first, and then feel anger at themselves for spending too much and saving too little when their energy says "go go" but their money says "no go." As they work toward acceptance, they first feel some discouragement and try bargaining (if we work part time, live in a smaller home, then maybe we can keep spending the way we did before we retired).

Regardless of what age and stage of retirement our clients are in, it takes courage for professionals to remind them of the mental adjusting required to navigate the challenges of older age. When physical health and financial health are not aligned, good sound advice with a dash of nurturing is needed and appreciated. I've found that these three stages make talking about both issues with clients a bit easier and the clients are more likely to accept and follow the advice and recommendations we offer.