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August, 2002 |
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ABOUT FSO |
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About NAIFA |
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January 21, 1969 was a monumental day. I received my Honorable Discharge from the Marine Corps and reentered real life. I was trained to operate every radio the Marines used. I was an expert with a rifle. And, among other valuable skills, I could rip an eyeball out of an enemy's head. What do you think my values were? I ask that question because it's a classic example of misperception. Michael Lovas in 1969 looked like a Marine, walked like a Marine and talked like a Marine. If you wanted to sell a product to me then, you would have approached me as a Marine. You would have assumed my values were duty, honor, service, right & wrong. You would have been wrong. Now, don't think of me. Think of your "A-level" clients. What are their values? What values do they have in common? If you think you know what they are, how do you know for sure? Be careful. In sales, marketing, counseling, therapy and even everyday conversation, one of the classic mistakes most people make is to project our own values into the other person, or as many advisors have been taught, to elicit what we mistakenly assume are the values of the other person. For example, all Americans like music, so what's important about rock and roll drumming to you? We all want to live more fulfilling lives, so what's important about NLP to you? We all want to be more successful, so what's important about success coaching to you? Personally, I'm interested in all those things. I could easily assume you are too. In your effort to maintain rapport with me, you would politely answer my questions. I'd assume you were giving me a list of true values. They look like values. They sound like values. But they're only actual values if you honestly value those things. If you don't really value them, then, your answers are almost meaningless. Let's look at this topic from a more familiar perspective. There's a law in psychology: "Whoever controls the larger frame controls the conversation ó and the outcome." If I ask about your weekly pay, and you ask about money, you control the conversation. If I then, ask about financial security, I control the conversation. And, if you then, introduce life purpose or your perfect calendar, you control the conversation. See the progression from small to larger to large?
The point is this:
good marketing, sales, service and relationships are based on shared values.
But they must be true values. The logical question is, "How do you discover
the other person's values?" Many advisors immediately shout "Just Ask!"
That's an excellent answer. But it's wrong.
Deep in your subconscious
mind lives a structure called the Logical Levels of Identity. This structure contains
your motivation for all your decision making. It contains your behaviors, your capabilities,
your beliefs, your values and your identity. You can no more name your values off
the top of your head than you can name your beliefs about how you need people to
treat you. Those things are simply too deep in your subconscious for you to access
with your conscious mind. For example, it's estimated that 60% of our population
has suffered abuse. A significant portion of them unconsciously seek to duplicate
the abuse ... it's in their programming. But, if you ask them directly, "How
do you want people to treat you?" they won't give you the real answer, simply
because they don't know the real answer. It's too deep in their subconscious. It's
there with the values. Michael Lovas is a Master Practitioner of psychology and a Master Hypnotist. He uses NLP and hypnotherapy in his coaching practice to help professionals set and accomplish higher goals. He also teaches insurance and financial professionals how to be more successful by using psychology in their marketing and sales. Michael is the author of two books on using psychology in your business: Beyond Wave Marketing and the new workbook/disk set Face Values. Michael has spoken to: MDRT, FPA (IAFP), NAILBA, Society of Certified Senior Advisors, NALU chapters, NAHU chapters, American Marketing Association chapters, and many businesses including Mobil Oil, Delta Life & Annuity, London Life and Great West Life.
Michael
Lovas |
